Embracing Change & The Importance of Being Present
Embracing Change & Living in the Present
Today marks a significant milestone in my life and one which I had not ever foreseen if I’m honest. Today, at almost 38 weeks pregnant I put on my out of office response for 5 months. I’m taking maternity leave for the first time in my life. This is my own business so I can’t sign out completely but it is a huge change of pace for me and whilst I like to think of myself as an advocate for change…this change has me riddled with anxiety!
The past nine months have been action packed, filled with a mixture of emotions, but most of all focused on a plan which was ultimately not meant to be. It’s a plan I have been harbouring for a long time and I’ve come to reflect a great deal on this in recent weeks. I wanted to share this with you because I feel like there are lessons I have learned recently which may be helpful to others. (Read more in last month’s blog post.)
I had a plan which was set in stone in my mind. My plan was to leave France after we had achieved what we had set out to do – renovate, set up the businesses, focus on investments and such like. All very organized and sensible. That plan was then to develop into a return to the Middle East where I would return to work in the corporate world, save some money and build on my career all whilst managing the businesses in France as a back up. I never took my eye off that goal despite the events of recent years making it more and more difficult. Nevertheless, when my other half went off to take up his role in Saudi Arabia a year ago I was more focused than ever. I spent the majority of the past year clearing out the house, organizing documentation, donating/ selling/ buying things for the ultimate International Move. It was eventful and even when I found out that we were expecting a baby, I never faltered. The baby would fit in well with the plans to be there so it didn’t occur to me for one moment that perhaps the plan was at fault.
Although I am not a life coach per se, I do spend a lot of personal time with clients and I understand fully the requirement to be more present. The need for mindfulness, gratitude practice and focusing on the here and now have always been things I would advocate for but I am also a huge proponent of planning for the future and using that as a way to guide you through difficult moments in life. Reaching for the stars and focusing on a plan.
What I hadn’t bargained on was being taught a life lesson in being present myself in quite such a poignant manner. I now realise that I have spent the past 3 years of living in the wonderful South of France constantly worrying about the future and not stopping to think about the present. I feel that I was ungrateful for what I had and have missed out on progressing forwards naturally because I tried so hard to engineer the future. I have my regrets but I do think that I was supposed to go through this process.
After moving to Saudi Arabia and experiencing life after Covid there, and ultimately having to return to France, I feel like I have been taught an incredibly valuable lesson. What was it that made me so dead set on leaving Europe again? Why was I so eager to escape this life? Why hadn’t I seen what I had in front of me? Why was I so stoically focused on my original plan? Perhaps I had to go to Saudi Arabia and return simply to reaffirm what was most important in life. And I think that is the crux of it – when it becomes so forced that life cannot take a natural progession forwards then something is wrong.
Since returning to France I have gone through a period of mourning. Mourning a lifestyle that I had more than 3 years ago and perhaps didn’t want to fully rescind. Mourning an image of what I thought life should be like in my future. And mourning a life I had planned so intricately over the past year. Learning to let go has been by far the most difficult part but I have the advantage of knowing that very soon my life will change beyond recognition anyway and that my focus now needs to rest 100% on family.
But what if you don’t have the next big change right in front of you and you’re feeling very much in limbo, hoping for something which doesn’t seem to be happening and not knowing what to do next? Well I sympathise with you. It is obviously not something I have managed particularly well myself!
Here are some ideas of things which may help:
1. Undertake Gratitude Practice – write down or say out loud on a daily basis something(s) that you are particularly grateful for and remind yourself of those over the negatives;
2. Accept Things as They Are – this is a big one. Acceptance is difficult and may take a long time. I can see now that there are opportunities for me here which could end up being beneficial. I just failed to acknowledge them because I was too focused on a different plan. So try to keep an open mind.
3. Spend time with the right people – allow them to question your choices in life. Allow them to be a part of the decision making process. Nobody lives in a vacuum and the thoughts and feelings of those around us matter incredibly. Don’t dismiss them. Especially if they are all saying the same thing!
4. Don’t procrastinate! – Since returning to France, even after only a few weeks away I realized that I had procrastinated over so many major tasks because I had decided in my head that they didn’t matter any more…I was leaving! I’m not a procrastinator in general – I pride myself on being super organized in fact. However, on return have had to deal with a huge amount of bureaucracy which I could easily have handled in the here and now. For example, my pay as you go phoneline in France has been costing me an absolute fortune for years now – I didn’t want a contract because I knew I would be leaving at some point and didn’t want to be tied down…so I did nothing about it. However, on return did my homework and realized that I could have a post paid contract without being tied to it. It was relatively easy to set up and I got to keep my old number – saving me upwards of 20 Euros a month. Secondly, we were finally eligible for broadband internet, after 3 years of the most awful service. Once again though, I knew I was leaving and didn’t see the point in going to all the hassle of having a technician come all the way up here with a cherry picker and a team of engineers to connect us to overhead cables, drilling through the wall and setting up yet another router. That is now also done! Thirdly, for 3 years we have been hiring a car from a local supermarket. This was actually a very cost effective way of driving in a foreign country initially but meant cleaning, filling up and organizing the car every month – returning it, undertaking all the documentation. Then redoing all the documentation to re-lease the car… month after month. Over a shorter period of time, this worked well but with a baby on the way, the need for boot space, car seats in place and not having to return and swap cars monthly has become imperative. We have overcome the fear of buying a car in France and it was far easier than expected in fact…new car here we come. These are only 3 examples but I can cite many many more, including updating medical insurance, shopping around for other insurances, registering for family benefits and much more.
5. Don’t fight change – As you can see from the above, over the past 4 weeks we have undertaken things here which mean that we are more ‘settled’ than ever. This fills me with both dread and excitement in equal measure. I’m telling myself not to fight it. Live for now, understand what is needed now and know that if you can change that again in the future. You are not bound 100% to any plan you put in place.
6. Keep to your Plan but with an Open Mind – I mentioned something similar to several clients over the past few weeks. Move towards your plan but the more focused and precise your plan is the more difficult it will be to succeed in. Keep your options open, set yourself deadlines to achieve the more difficult items on your list and be prepared to reevaluate when required. Re-evaluation is not failure!
Reevaluation is good and necessary. If you only look upon it as a failure you will struggle. And this is where embracing change comes in. Being open to change in life and embracing a certain amount of ambiguity are absolutely essential life skills. I thought I had both in abundance but it turns out that these needed to be honed! It is after all far easier to apply Change Management in a business setting than in your own, personal life. So to finish off I’m going to leave you with one of my favourite Change Management checklists from John P Kotter:
1- Create a sense of Urgency.
2- Put A Team Together.
3- Develop Vision and Strategies.
4- Communicate the Change Vision.
5- Remove Obstacles.
6- Set Short-Term Goals.
7- Keep the Momentum.
8- Make The Change Stick.
PS
NB: Maternity Leave:
Nevertheless, and on a slightly different note, I will personally be taking Maternity Leave from today, (at 38 weeks pregnant!), returning to the office at the end of September – 26TH September 2022 which could be subject to change. After much deliberation I have decided not to take on external help with the business over this period of time. However, I have some wonderful recommendations of friends and colleagues who may be available to help with anything I may not be able to pick up:
Anne Petersen Costa - Integrated Health & Wellness Coach. Anne is not exclusively dedicated to career and development but she is dedicated to Life Coaching with a particular focus on health and nutritional wellbeing. I have known Anne for 12 years now. She is a triathlete and former Iron Woman with an extraordinary lust for life. She is currently based in Germany. Her business is called Your Optimal Health and you can contact Anne directly on anne@petersen-costa.com or via LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/annepetersen-costa/
Charne Lindenberg - Transpersonal Psychology & Wellness Coaching. Charne takes a well rounded approach to life coaching with a focus on the inner self. You can find out more information about Charne in the C&E Coaching Library on the website. I have known Charne for around 6 years now and in that time she herself has been on an extraordinary personal journey and I personally trust her explicitly when it comes to my own personal development. She is currently based in the UK. You can contact Charne directly on charne.lindenberg@yahoo.co.uk or via LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/charn%C3%A9-lindenberg-08b5377/
Girish Rohra - Recruitment Specialist and Talent Acquisition Manager. Girish is currently based in Dubai with his own business, Millennial HR Consultancy, as well as working for an International Brand in Germany. He has a huge number of contacts, Recruitment wise, in the Middle East and is now building his portfolio in Europe. He can help with CV Writing, Interview Preparation etc. I have known Girish for 9 years now and have enormous respect for what he does. You can find out more information about Girish in the C&E Coaching Library on the website. You can contact Girish directly on girish@millennialhrconsultant.com or via LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/girish-r-3abb1824/
Samantha Touchais - Business Consultant. I met Samantha in France through a networking group I am part of. She is also based in France, having lived and worked internationally. She specialises in helping people to start and grow their own businesses, with a distinct focus on Social Media Marketing. I don't know her personally but I see her undertaking some great work online. https://www.linkedin.com/in/samanthatouchais/
There is a great group of Coaches on my website and if you are interested in being put in touch with any of them please do not hesitate to ask: https://www.candehrconsultancy.com/our-team
If you require Consultancy help with Overseas Bulk Recruitment - drop me an email separately and I will put you in touch with somebody who will be able to work alongside you.
Online Resources:
Remember that there are many resources on the website with regards to CV Writing, LinkedIn, Interview Preparation, Job Searching Internationally and much much more so please do not hesitate to use this as a bank of resources should you require it: https://www.candehrconsultancy.com/blog-1-1
Free Audio Summit:
That all being said, I am taking part in a super interesting Audio Summit online next week (3rd May) with the amazing Emily Rogers from the Leap to Lead. It is targeted towards mums who are looking to make some significant changes in their lives - family, home, career and are looking to gain the confidence required to do so. I am doing a 20 minute interview as part of the summit with regards to confidence in your job search, especially if you have had a bit of a career gap. You may have seen some advertisements on my social media but I would 100% urge you to sign up and pass on to friends and family who may benefit from it.
"Join me and a panel of experts for The Mums Leap To Lead Summit 3 May 2022. Go from feeling overwhelmed and frustrated to in control of your life and career.
Topics include:
· Wellbeing for women
· Organising your home
· Developing confidence in your children
· Discovering what your leap looks like
· How visual tools create clarity
· Gaining confidence to apply for that job
You’re just a few steps away from a happier and more fulfilled life.
It's completely FREE! >>https://www.theleaptolead.com/summit<< "
Finally:
I will be online intermittently and of course, if you have any urgent requirements I will try my best to help out - please bear with me however while I adjust to this new chapter in our lives.
Do stay in touch and I always look forward to hearing about your plans and job searches. Have a wonderful summer ahead and stay safe.